Omega

I give you up.

It's time.

After all of this.

All of these crazy thoughts keyed here over the past year and a half.

I give you up.

I'm setting sail.

Maybe our paths will cross again someday.

I would like that. I hope that they do. I hope we will be friends forever.

Because you're the only one, despite how much you've caused me pain

You're the only one I have ever trusted on this level.

Because you caused me pain. Because you gave me the truth.

And because I didn't always open my mouth, but I opened my heart to you.

That doesn't even have to be in a romantic sense.

Just from one human to another, I opened my heart to you. In a way I've never done before.

I hope someday we will be a part of each others' lives.

You are the only one in my entire life who, when they said the words "you will be okay,"

the hurt subsided, and I took a breath, and I immediately believed them.

I trust you that deeply.

To know that you don't idly throw words around.

I believe everything you say to me on the deepest level I've ever known.

And if you tell me I'm going to be okay,

Then Okay. I will be.

You really are a unique fucking snowflake

I wish you were like everyone else. You were meant to be nothing more than that.
You were meant to be nothing more than a distraction.
I wish all the things I lightly noted about you at the first had never become meaningful.

The way your hair sticks out in the back.
The way your jacket smells.
The way the backs of your shoes are broken down but you keep stepping on them anyway, and the way your eyes sometimes look nervous when you're sitting in public.

You were meant to be like everyone else.

And isn't it strange, how all of those things,
things that you can take in in a glance when you first meet someone

All of those meaningless details can suddenly seem like the most important things in the world.

Like the way I laid behind you one night,
one arm draped around your waist
And I opened my eyes and just looked at you for a second

And that time, while your breathing was evening out
I noticed there was a little freckle behind your left ear
And I told myself, remember that there is a freckle there

Because there may never again be someone who could tell you that off the top of their head, without having to look

Like maybe they were all wrong, and it wasn't the devil but God who was in the details.

And every time we laid like that, after that night
and I opened my eyes and saw that freckle, I always smiled
like it was a secret I was sharing with myself

I might be the only one who ever has that freckle memorized.

And that is something that I can keep,
even when I'm alone.
Even when you're gone.

You were supposed to be like everyone else.
But you weren't.