What the hell do I do? I know this is going nowhere. You're never going to let it really go somewhere because... because you just won't. Because I'm not the one, I guess. It's somebody else. And I flip flop, and sometimes it hurts, and sometimes I feel like I'd almost be relieved if you were gone so I wouldn't have to keep riding the rollercoaster. Sometimes I just don't know. But I'm so fucking tired of those moments where I'm laying there in your bed and I'm just thinking... Oh my god, I love you so much. It's the worst in the morning, when I first wake up. And I open my eyes right when you open your eyes and they're just so blue and so green and they're just so bright, and you just look so fucking beautiful, and I just want to reach out and wrap up tight in you and say I love you I love you I love you, good morning beautiful, I love you like I can feel the earth rotating around me. Except I can never say those stupid fucking things. And then you look at me and you say, why are you smiling? And what can I say to that? Not that. Not what I want to. So I just stop smiling, or try to, and say nothing, or I don't know. And kind of hurt like my whole body is aching. And I'm getting so used to it that it's just normal. And there probably will never be a day when I can just say that. Good morning beautiful, your eyes make me notice the earth turning. I'm so happy to be next to you. I could just look at you all day because there is literally nothing more beautiful to look at than you. There will never be a fucking day. It'll just go on like this forever until it stops. Nothing, I don't know why I'm smiling. I don't know.
I do fucking know.
Ow.
