On faith

I think... I can't say that I know how to explain it. But I think, I have an idea why you did what you did. I don't know if even you know why. But I think I have an idea.

It seemed like it fueled your fire every time I told you I believed in you. Every time I treated you like you were a really good person. Every time I really cared about you. Especially when I told you I had faith in you. It would make you distant, or really angry.

I wondered why. It didn't make any sense to me.

Sometimes when you tell someone you believe in them, it will make them very angry.
The reason it makes them very angry is because it hurts them to hear those words.

Sometimes, someone feels like... almost like the good in them is gone. Almost like they're a shadow of the person that they used to be. And their hope is gone. They've accepted their life as it is now, as empty as it feels. They've been hurt so badly and so much in the past that they feel like the good in them is just gone. Like the light's gone out. And so many times they've hoped that they could get it back. That they could be happy again. And their hopes were dashed. And now, they cannot take having their hopes dashed one more time. Not even one more time. So they just... give up. They just stop hoping entirely. They refuse to. They cannot bear any more disappointment.

So.. sometimes when you tell them you see the light, and you see the good and the beauty, and that you believe in it... they don't think it's possible for them to be that person again. They think it's too late. And it hurts them so bad to think that but they don't dare hope, ever again, not for anybody. But still, your words hurt because it reminds them of the person they used to be, that they think they can never be again. A happier person, a lighter person. A good person. Someone with a burning heart. And because it hurts them so badly, they want it to stop, and it makes them angry. And they lash out. It's not enough to make you stop saying those words. They need to make you stop believing those words, because your hope and your faith just reminds them that there's nothing to hope for.

So they do everything they can to destroy your faith in their goodness. They do everything they can to make you believe, to force you to believe, that they're not a good person. That there is no light left. Because if there was, there would be hope, and to them, hope just leads to crushing sadness and disappointment. Hope brings them a little closer to the edge of the pit, because it always comes to nothing to them. And they can't stand the thought of hope ever hurting them again. They need to make you hate them, to make the pain stop. To make the memories stop. To stop reminding them that there was a different time. That it wasn't always like this. If it was always like this, they could imagine there was nothing better. Nothing they were missing, that they would never be able to have.

They just want to pretend, because they know somewhere, deep inside themselves, past all the cold places, that if they were to open their eyes to their own sadness, it might be more than they could take. It might break them. They don't want to be reminded. And so they break you. To save their life. Anything to make you believe that you are wrong. That the good you see, is a lie. That you see nothing, you see smoke.

They will hurt you. They will hurt you so badly, sometimes. You will want to hate them. That's what they want, anyway. They want you to be wrong. But... I don't think you are. I think you are standing there, looking at a person, a shadow, with a very, very hurt heart. Hiding the last shreds of it away so it doesn't go away altogether. I think that person needs love. They may not be ready to hear that, but you are not wrong. Don't forget. It is never wrong to tell someone, "I believe in you. I see the good in you shining still, this very moment, and I have faith in you." That is never, ever the wrong thing to do. Sometimes people aren't ready to hear that. But it is never wrong, to believe.