That person in my head

I had this guy in my head, for years.
Years and years and years. Since Jesse. Maybe before.
I could see him. He was beautiful and he had brown hair and he played the guitar. Medium height, medium build.
His voice was really warm and clear and beautiful. His singing voice.
And I remember being with Jesse and thinking, well he sings and plays guitar so maybe that's it.
But it wasn't Jesse.
And it wasn't Brandon.
And it wasn't even Jacob.
I could see this boy so clearly.
I could feel his spirit.
And I think why I'm so upset about this whole thing is because, he's not Gabe either.
He doesn't look like Gabe.
But he sings like Gabe.
And he kind of feels like Gabe.
It's not Gabe.
But I think Gabe is just the closest I've ever come to that guy.
He's the most like that guy that any of them have been yet.
I think that's why I'm upset.
Is that weird?
He sings just like Gabe.