This is so stupid.
This was all your idea.
This was your fucking brainchild.
YOU asked ME out.
Good one.
I never would have even let it occur to me, that this was an option, if you hadn't started it.
I just needed a rebound. That's all. That's really simple. Some guy that I have a fun time with, and we get along good, and we make each other laugh, and they're a decent distraction for long enough that I can move on with my life.
You're not a fucking rebound.
You're the list I never made.
You're every fucking point that I never wrote down because it was unrealistic.
And I'm old enough now, and I've lived with myself long enough now, that I know myself.
And what I know is that I'm going to fall in love with you.
I won't be able to help it.
You're every point on the list I never dared to make.
I just needed a rebound. Why did you have to show up right now.
I need to not see you again. Maybe I'll just stop texting you and I'll get lucky and you'll stop texting me too. Maybe that's what it's like to be lucky. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't need this right now. I don't need someone like you right now. This is the last fucking thing that I need. Go away, go away until I've got the demons out of my system and until you manifest as someone who maybe wants to stay. I can't fucking deal with this right now. You're too perfect. Not as a person, not as a human, but you're too perfect for me and I don't need that right now. I need something that doesn't mean anything, and there is no fucking way in heaven or hell that I could ever have you around and have you not mean anything. I feel like I'm on crazy pills right now. How could I feel this strongly about, not how I feel, but how I know I will feel if I don't quit seeing someone. How could I already know that shit. But I do. I'm going to fucking fall in love with you if I keep seeing you. I don't know when. I don't know how long it'll take. But I know with absolutely no doubt that it will happen. And you've already made it clear that you don't want that.
The only option is not seeing you anymore.
Yeah, it's crazy that I feel this strongly about it so quickly.
But it's not because I'm going through a breakup.
It's not about that shit at all.
It's because you're everything I ever fucking wanted.
And I know that shit. I already know. It doesn't take a whole lot of time.
I can fucking feel that shit.
I wish you hadn't shown up right now.
I wish you could've waited a while.
Because now I have to bail.
Bad fucking timing.
Bad timing.
I'm not willing to love the way I know I'd love you if I kept seeing you.
I won't fucking do it.
I already know where that road goes, because you told me.
And if I've learned anything from the last six years of bullshit, it's this:
if someone tells you who they are, and what they want, you don't try to convince them otherwise.
You just fucking believe them.
This was all your idea.
This was your fucking brainchild.
YOU asked ME out.
Good one.
I never would have even let it occur to me, that this was an option, if you hadn't started it.
I just needed a rebound. That's all. That's really simple. Some guy that I have a fun time with, and we get along good, and we make each other laugh, and they're a decent distraction for long enough that I can move on with my life.
You're not a fucking rebound.
You're the list I never made.
You're every fucking point that I never wrote down because it was unrealistic.
And I'm old enough now, and I've lived with myself long enough now, that I know myself.
And what I know is that I'm going to fall in love with you.
I won't be able to help it.
You're every point on the list I never dared to make.
I just needed a rebound. Why did you have to show up right now.
I need to not see you again. Maybe I'll just stop texting you and I'll get lucky and you'll stop texting me too. Maybe that's what it's like to be lucky. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't need this right now. I don't need someone like you right now. This is the last fucking thing that I need. Go away, go away until I've got the demons out of my system and until you manifest as someone who maybe wants to stay. I can't fucking deal with this right now. You're too perfect. Not as a person, not as a human, but you're too perfect for me and I don't need that right now. I need something that doesn't mean anything, and there is no fucking way in heaven or hell that I could ever have you around and have you not mean anything. I feel like I'm on crazy pills right now. How could I feel this strongly about, not how I feel, but how I know I will feel if I don't quit seeing someone. How could I already know that shit. But I do. I'm going to fucking fall in love with you if I keep seeing you. I don't know when. I don't know how long it'll take. But I know with absolutely no doubt that it will happen. And you've already made it clear that you don't want that.
The only option is not seeing you anymore.
Yeah, it's crazy that I feel this strongly about it so quickly.
But it's not because I'm going through a breakup.
It's not about that shit at all.
It's because you're everything I ever fucking wanted.
And I know that shit. I already know. It doesn't take a whole lot of time.
I can fucking feel that shit.
I wish you hadn't shown up right now.
I wish you could've waited a while.
Because now I have to bail.
Bad fucking timing.
Bad timing.
I'm not willing to love the way I know I'd love you if I kept seeing you.
I won't fucking do it.
I already know where that road goes, because you told me.
And if I've learned anything from the last six years of bullshit, it's this:
if someone tells you who they are, and what they want, you don't try to convince them otherwise.
You just fucking believe them.
[this may have been a rant when i was fucked up]
