Childhood

It's so weird. I've been really good at maintaining emotional distance thus far. I've blocked you out in a lot of ways. But for some reason the other night after we had sex, you were laying on your back tangled into me and our foreheads and noses were touching and out of nowhere, I don't even know why, that line from fox and the hound popped into my head. The point when the lady takes the fox back to the woods and leaves him there, and she's driving away crying and she says, in my hearts a memory, and there you'll always be. Just out of nowhere, I'm totally fine, been maintaining distance and not thinking of you emotionally, I've been fine. And boom that lines in my head. And I realized that every moment like that, laying there with our foreheads and our noses touching, could be the last one. I can lose you at anytime now . And I thought... This is how I want to remember you when you're gone. I want to remember laying here in silence, wrapped up in each other, forehead to forehead and nose to nose. I took a mental picture, and I knew that that was going to be the memory in my heart where you will always be. This all happened in about five seconds. And suddenly my throat started to burn and choke up and I almost just started crying right then and there before I could realize what was happening and stop myself. With my face right up against yours. I almost started to cry. My chest feels tight just remembering that. I don't even get where that sudden rush of feeling came from because I haven't been feeling much.