The Simple Truth

I already know this. I already know.

You tell me, "I'm only telling you this because it took me twenty years to learn it. I just want to make it easier for you than it was for me. If you can just learn from my mistakes... but, if you can't, I understand."

I already know it's truth. I just can't act on it.

I can't get over what happened. In the ugly places inside of me I feel like you haven't suffered enough for the pain you caused me.

I love you. And I want to be with you in the long run. And yes, I do know that until I can make a leap of faith, decide to believe you, stop holding it against you, it will never work between us. I do know that if I never let it go I've as good as lost you already. I understand that concept. I'm not even really that angry about what happened anymore.

But I remember the pain, the suffering, the lies. I remember that feeling of wishing I was dead.

And I just don't feel like you've bled enough inside yet.

Like it shouldn't be that easy for what you did to just go away.

But I know it's not fair of me to keep pulling you close softly and then cutting you with that blade, over and over again. Acting like everything's okay and then pulling that on you when you least expect it.

I just can't forgive you yet. But I can't lose you either.

Maybe I'm the one who doesn't know how to love properly.