Yeah, I guess I do kind of want to. Which is weird because I've never thought of you that way before. I do want to. But you know? I really can't. It would break her heart because I know how she feels about you. I love her, and I'm not going to lie to her.
The thing that really bothers me about it is having to lie, having to tell you it's because I don't want to. I'm so sick of having to pretend I feel things I don't feel, and having to pretend that I don't feel things I do. I just want to feel how I feel. I'm so sick of lying about it, I'm so sick of smoothing things over, hiding, pretending. Why the fuck can't I just feel how I feel for once? And now that I finally want to, with someone, since I lost him, why did it have to be you, the one person I can't share that with?
I'm so tired of pretending.
But I'll do it, just this one more time.
I don't want to let her down.
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