I am really mad at you

I am so fucking mad at you for not being better.

It only really hit me today that we're done. It didn't bother me before. I guess it still doesn't bother me, at least in the sense of wishing I could be back with you. I don't wish that. I just wish you'd been better.

You had so many chances for six years, and you didn't even try. You didn't even fucking try. You just talked out your ass and sat around and did nothing.

I'm so fucking mad at you.

It could have been different. I'm in bed playing crashlands listening to the weather happening outside. It's getting cold out. It takes me back to 4 years ago when I was doing the exact same thing, but in your bed instead of mine. Laying under the blankets in our pajamas with our feet linked together. I remembered how happy I felt, and how peaceful.

We could have had everything. I'm so angry.

It was stupid how much I loved you. It ended up being such a waste.

You know what'll make me even madder? If you don't go on and find a way to be happy.

You couldn't do it when you were with me. God fucking knows I tried.

You never realized that that was the only god damn thing that I wanted.

Whatever. You didn't try. You didn't care whether or not you were happy, so you didn't care about me. If you'd cared about me, you would have cared about the one fucking thing that I wanted.

So what. You couldn't do it with me. Just fucking do it, please.

It'll be ten times the waste if you don't. You won't just be wasting my time, or our relationship.

You won't be wasting the most love I've ever felt for another human being.

You'll be wasting your whole self.

Don't fucking do that. Jesus christ.