You Just Have To Open Up A Window

We won't ever be together like we were, not ever again. And I meant it when I said that I didn't tell you that to hurt you. If that was a side effect than that's just how it had to be. That's the truth. I won't ever be able to trust you enough to give you my heart again. Because even if I did every time you told me you were going to be somewhere or doing something, I wouldn't believe you. I'd be making up all kinds of girls and situations in my head. It would be torture, and I would take it out on you, and it would just never work. You think this is so easy for me. It's not. I was stupid. I fucking had baby names picked out. I did. I picked out names and I sat there and typed them out and looked at them and thought about which one, which one, for someday. And it all blew up in my face. But I will never have your child now. I will never watch those tears on your face when you hold your child for the first time. I will never share that joy with you. I will never be your wife. We will never build a life and a family and a home together now. I may be able to forgive, and even try to forget, but I will never be able to make it so what's happened never happened. It's so hard for me to trust. It's so hard to open up my heart. And maybe you didn't see it but I never really opened it up in some of the ways I did with you. So the betrayal was the greatest I have ever known. And I will never go there with you again, even if I do manage to forgive you, which I'm sure I will because I've never been good at holding grudges. I should go delete that list of baby names, now that I remembered about it. Clear out the attic. A fresh start. Open up a window.